CHURCH LADIES' INTRODUCTION

Use this sketch as a comic introduction to your program. We used it to introduce our Christmas Dinner Theater.

CAST:

  • MRS. UPSNOOT
  • MRS. GRANDEUR
    Both of these characters are to be played very broadly. They are both pompous, and self righteous. They are fun characatures.
  • MRS. STRAIGHT
    Played just as her name says.
    MRS. UPSNOOT: Alright then Mrs. Grandeur, I'll introduce the program, and then you...

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: Wait just a minute Mrs. Upsnoot. Didn't you introduce the last program? Not that I'm keeping track or anything, but ...

    MRS. UPSNOOT: My dear MRS. GRANDEUR, you surely are mistaken. But even if you were right, which you aren't, didn't you get the honor of the organ solo last Sunday morning?

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: No no no! that was Sister Longsnout. Anyway, the pastor made it perfectly clear that he wanted someone with a melodious voice, and proper diction to do the introduction, and since I do have a theater background...

    MRS. UPSNOOT: Well I would hardly call reading stories to the childrens church a theater background. Besides, he also said that he wanted someone who has a depth of spiritual maturity.

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: (To the Audience) But not someone with a voice like nails down a chalk board.

    MRS. UPSNOOT: What's that?

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: I was saying how just today I heard from the Lord. He was chastising me for not being more generous with the congregation regarding my gifts.

    MRS. UPSNOOT: You do know of course that played in the Christmas pagent with my college bible study group.

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: (To the Audience) Most likely as the tail end of the donkey that Mary rode.

    MRS. UPSNOOT: What's that?

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: Oh I was just saying that I'm sure you stole the show.

    MRS. UPSNOOT: Yes well anyway, as I was saying, I'll introduce the program, and you ...

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: You most certainly will not! I've already explained to you why I am the more appropriate one to introduce it and ...

    MRS. UPSNOOT: I've had just about enough of you and your "more theatrical than thou" attitude. I said I'll introduce it, and thats...

    MRS. GRANDEUR:: I will not allow the congregation to be subjected to a sound that would drive wild animals away!

    MRS. UPSNOOT: Why you I'll...

    (Church Ladies are dragged away from each other, snarling, and kicking)

    MRS. STRAIGHT: Welcome to ... (Insert your event here)

    © 1996 Robert J. Lee

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