After The Garden

(Adam and Eve enter stage left from behind some bushes. They are wearing leaves.Eve has a look of displeasure, and Adam is a pace or two behind her. Adam is periodically scratching stomach, legs, above and below leaf level.)

ADAM:
Well this will be a good excuse to do some traveling. Donít get me wrong the garden was nice and all but Itís good for us to get away together. Which way should we go first? How about west?
(Points toward audience. Eve keeps walking)
Okay, north is good. Eve, you havenít said two words in the past four hours. Is something wrong?
(Silence)
Are you mad?
(Eve stops. Turns and glares at him)
Whatís wrong? Did I do something?
(Tries to take her hand but she jerks it away)
What did I do?
(Eve turns and heads stage left)
Come on youíve got to at least let me know what I did wrong? Did I say something wrong?
(Stops and glares)
What?

EVE:
You know what you said.

ADAM:
How should I know what I said if you wonít tell me?

EVE:
I might just never speak to you again.

ADAM:
What did I say!?

EVE:
(Mockingly)
That woman You gave me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.

ADAM:
I didnít say that

EVE:
You most certainly did!

ADAM:
I did not.

EVE:
Look it up.

ADAM:
Huh?

EVE:
Genesis 3:12

ADAM:
Okay, but I didnít really mean it like it sounded. I only meant thatÖ

EVE:
Donít try to weasel your way out of it. You never want to give me credit for helping, but just let one little thing go wrong andÖ

ADAM:
One little thing huh? You call breaking the only rule we had one little thing?

EVE:
Not so fast there buster. Who told you, you had to listen to me in the first place? Did I hold you down and shove that fruit down your throat?

ADAM:
So I thought I told you not to hang around with the serpent.

EVE:
Well he tricked me.


(These are optional lines. They were funny for us. I am 5 ft. 6 in. and played Adam. Our Eve is 6 ft. It brought a big laugh. Obviously it won't work for everybody)

ADAM:
Well there you go then. I wonder why he didnít come around trying to tempt me.

EVE:
Probably because he figured you couldnít reach the fruit.

ADAM:
Hey wait a minute.


EVE:
But besides, who said this was about me? Donít you try to change the subject.

ADAM:
Uh not so loud Eve. We really shouldnít be fighting like this in front of the kids.

EVE:
We donít have any kids.

ADAM:
Oh. Thatís right. WellÖ

EVE:
So if you think you can humiliate me in front of God like that and get away with it youíve got another thing coming Mister. Not even a thought to my feelings.

ADAM:
But HoneyÖ

EVE:
Donít you "But Honey" me, youÖ

ADAM:
But Sugar if youíll just.
(Tries to take her hand)

EVE:
I wouldnít let you touch me if you were the only man onÖ Oh. Well never mind just keep your hands off me.

ADAM:
Come on Eve, how long are you going to stay mad like this?

EVE:
(Silence)

ADAM:
Look, Iíll make it up to you.

EVE:
Hmmph!

ADAM:
I will. I promise!

EVE:
Oh yeah? How?

ADAM:
WellÖ Iíll toil the ground for you. You wonít have to do any of the dirty stuff.

EVE:
Sure like thatís your idea. We both know that Godís making you do that. Tell you what How about if we change assignments. Iíll toil the earth and you give birth in pain.

ADAM:
(Thinks)
I donít know, donít you think Heís mad at us enough as it is?

EVE:
(Grudgingly)
Yeah youíre right.

ADAM:
Ok, look I wonít leave clothes lying around, Iíll sweep the dirt. I wonít make any mother-in-law Jokes. Just please give me a hug?

EVE:
Can I name the kids?

ADAM:
Well, I donít knowÖ

EVE:
Hey you got to name all the animals!

ADAM:
You werenít even here yet! I was handling everything all by myself yíknow. (Under his breath) Sure was peaceful.

EVE:
What was that?

ADAM:
Oh uh, I was just reminding myself how lonely it was. Okay Honey, How bout if we name the kids together.

EVE:
Well, okay. But I get to name the first one.

ADAM:
How about we flip for it. Címon lets go talk about baby names. Hey, whatís for dinner? (Heads stage left)

EVE:
(Watches him leave, shakes her head)
That woman you gave me.

ADAM:
From off stage Why is this itching so much? AAughh! Eve, Where did you get these leaves?

EVE:

Faces audience with mischeivous grin.
Adam?

ADAM:

What!?

EVE:

What's a mother in law?

ADAM:

Auuuugggghhhhh!!!!!

Eve exits

Copyright © 1999 Robert J. Lee

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