WAY AFTER THE GARDEN

(Scene: In the studio of the Dr Swil show)

SWIL:
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. I'm Dr Swil, and We're here today to work with dysfunctional couples. Our first couple, you might say was ahead of their time when it came to marital disagreements. If they weren't fighting over what was on the menu, than they were pointing the finger over who caused what, and where they were gonna live. Then the kids they produced brought out new reasons to disagree. Well, before I tell their story for them let me welcome our guests. Give a welcome to Adam and Eve.

(Adam and Eve enter)

SWIL:
Adam, Eve,welcome. Have a seat. Tell us how this relationship got to where it is.

EVE
Well Dr Swill, It wasn't always like this...

ADAM:
Yeah, I used to have the place to myself

EVE
Don't start that again! Just because I made a mistake...

ADAM:
Oh yeah, mistake alright, that's why we had to leave the garden. Dr Swil, I told you about the garden right?

EVE
Don't you even try to put that on me you didn't have to...

ADAM:
If you hadn't been so gullible...

EVE
Gullible? All you needed was one ounce of...

ADAM:
You just couldn't listen to me...

SWIL:
Whoa whoa whoa! Get a grip you two. Whaddya think this is, The Springer show? Let's both y'all take a deep breath, sit back down and let's discuss this like adults shall we? Now Eve, it is true that you had a rather unusual friendship with one of the garden's creatures, right?

EVE
Well he seemed so nice, so honest.

ADAM:
Stands up
See? That's what I'm talking about...

SWIL:
Now you just sit back down. I'll deal with you in a moment. Now Eve, it's true isn't it that God said you could eat any fruit you wanted except one?

EVE
Yeah, but...

SWIL:
And the serpent handed you that fruit.

EVE
He seemed so sincere.

SWIL:
So you'd have to agree that a fruit in the hand is worth a canary in a coal mine.

EVE
Wha...?

SWIL:
and an apple a day makes the heart grow fonder.

EVE
OK...

SWIL:
So we've got that settled. Ok, Adam, now let's get your involvement in this matter dealt with. You're the man of the house right?

ADAM:
Well, actually, it wasn't a house, it was a garden.

SWIL:
Doesn't matter 'cause a man's castle is a child's garden of verses. What matters is, that you let the little woman here hornswaggle you into going off your diet.

ADAM:
Yeah but..

SWIL:
Didn't your parents ever tell you, just because your brother jumps into the briar patch nekid doesn't mean you have to?

ADAM:
Well actually I never had parents.

EVE
And who told you we were naked?

SWIL:
Doesn't matter. Adam, if Eve here told you to toil the ground would you just do it?

ADAM:
Actually...

SWIL:
See what I mean it's just like closin' the barn door after bein' a pound foolish. OK, we've got that settled. Let's talk about the kids.

EVE
Cain and Abel.

SWIL:
We've already talked about some of the issues you've got there.

ADAM:
She totally overreacts.

EVE
But they're constantly fighting.

ADAM:
They're boys. That's what they do.

EVE
But Cain is so competitive, and so jealous.

ADAM:
Aahh! See how she exaggerates?

SWIL:
Well you may just have a point there Adam. Boys tend to act out sibling rivalry in a variety of ways. However I'm willing to bet that this is just a stage, and they'll grow out of it in another year or two. Now, the next thing on my list here is pets. You two seem to be having a major disagreement whether or not to have pets. Eve wants pets, and Adam doesn't.

ADAM:
That's not exactly true. I don't have a problem with pets. I love most animals. In fact I named them all.

SWIL:
Well then what's the problem? Eve?

EVE
He just has it in for this pet, and I don't understand. Cuddles is so sweet, and loving.

ADAM:
Oh please

EVE
He is! You just won't give him a chance.

SWIL:
We didn't get a chance to talk about this before the show, so I'm a little in the dark here. I understand Cuddles is backstage. Why don't we bring him on out.

(Cuddles is carried out: a giant stuffed snake)

EVE
There his is. Come here to mama lil cuddly wuddly.

ADAM:
I hate snakes!

Eve and snake handler manage to wrap snake arounf Swil

SWIL:
Oh brother. Y'know I think we're just about outta time. Join us next time when we reunite brothers who haven't spoken in years. We'll have Jacob and Esau right here in the studio. Til then take care. (to Adam and Eve) Maybe Oprah can help you with this one.

Copyright © 2006 Robert J. Lee

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